My Guide to Running an in-person Men’s Group

January 3, 2025

I started a men’s group last year an it’s been one of the most rewarding experiences of my life. I want to help start 100 more Men’s Circles. Here’s my guide to help you start yours. If you’ve got any questions, DM me on X or instagram.

At a high-level, here’s the format:

Weekly
In-Person
Drop-in (anyone can attend, no ongoing commitment)
2 hours
Free (I accept gifts / donations)

You may experiment with any of the variables above. Below I’ll get into the details of how to start it.

Before the Circle

Choosing a Space

I host my group in a yoga studio. Renting space isn’t required but I recommend finding a quiet, private place where you won’t be interrupted. It’s important that people feel comfortable sharing openly without worrying about distractions or who’s listening.

Inviting People

I recommend using software to manage RSVPs. I use Partiful, but Eventbrite, Meetup, Mixily or even a simple email list are all good options. On the invitation, I highlight two things:

If you commit to coming, please show up.
We start and end on time—our time together is sacred.

As for who to invite? I welcome any man who’s interested, regardless of age or background. A group size of 5 to 8 men works best in this format to maximize everyone’s chance to share. I’m considering hosting more specific Men’s Groups in the new year (entrepreneurs, fathers, etc.)

Timing & Reminders

I send out invites a week ahead of time and then send a reminder on the day of with directions, parking info, and the exact start time.

Here’s an example of an invitation you can use:

Welcome back to our weekly drop-in men’s group. This is a moment to gather with like-minded brothers–men of courage, depth, and commitment. We’ll reflect, connect, and step into greater alignment with our lives.

There’s nothing more grounding, raw, and life-altering than sitting shoulder to shoulder with other men. To be seen as you are, to speak the truths that often remain unsaid, and to listen deeply—this is the kind of ancient medicine that our modern world needs.

Whether you’re brand new to menswork, or have years of experience, this circle can offer you something profound.

We’ll follow a structured, proven format that’s focused, potent, and designed to foster real connection.

We’ll kick off right at [start time], so please aim to arrive about 10 minutes early.

Sharing in the circle is optional but encouraged, so I invite you to bring a topic in your life that’s challenging or alive for you.

Space is limited to ensure depth, so if you RSVP, please honor your commitment. Your presence matters—not just for you, but for every man in the room. If you cannot attend, let me know in advance so another man can step in.

I offer this circle as a gift. It’s something I love doing. I also want people to experience this independent of their financial resources. However, I’m open to receiving gifts if that feels right as I’d love to move my life into doing this work full time. If you’d like to contribute financially, I will gladly accept. The suggested donation is $20, but any amount, (higher or lower) is appreciated. This donation is 100% optional. I am not tracking who pays and there is 0 obligation.

Venmo: [insert Venmo dets]
Paypal: [insert Paypal dets]
Zelle: [insert Zelle dets]
Parking: [insert parking info]

I look forward to sharing this circle with you. Let’s step into this space together—with purpose, openness, and the willingness to see and be seen.

Creating a Whatsapp Group

I have a Whatsapp group that I invite men to after they’ve attended one meeting with the group. I use this Whatsapp group to announce future circles and continue the discussion of things that came up in the circle.

Print out Guidelines

Here are our guidelines. I’ve linked to a google doc where they are nicely formatted and you can easily print them out. I like to get the guidelines laminated to give a sense of permanence and seriousness to them. You can get this done at Kinkos / Office Depot etc. for ~$2.

Confidentiality: I agree that everything said in this room stays in this room. Outside the circle, I may speak about my own experience only.

I agree to speak using ‘I’ statements

I respect the opportunity for equal air time

I agree to be punctual

I agree to a non-judgmental atmosphere

I agree to have respect for myself and others

Everyone is responsible for their own learning and participation

I agree to not give advice or try to fix anyone– each man is on his own journey.

I agree to be responsible for myself and my belongings

I will not take any illicit substances before or during group

I commit to staying until the end of the circle

I commit to being fully present & not being on my phone during the circle

On the Day Of

What to bring?

As the facilitator, I bring:

Notebook and pen to keep track of topics and timing.
A phone and for timing
- I prefer to time the rounds of speaking with Insight Timer (it’s less militant than the standard iphone alarms)
A portable speaker for playing music
Sage, lighter, candles, and any other objects that help set the mood.
The laminated group guidelines to pass around

Arriving & Setting Up

I like to get to the space about 30 minutes early. During this time, I’ll arrange yoga mats and cushions in a circle (see photo). This gives a primal, grounded vibe. You can also arrange chairs in a circle.

I set up little altar in the middle with a candle and some meaningful objects.

I also like to burn sage to clear the energy and create a calm, welcoming atmosphere. At this point I turn on the speaker to softly play some relaxing music so it’s not just silent when they arrive. Here are a couple of playlists you might use.

Optional: When people start showing up, I’ll offer to smudge (cleanse) them with sage at the door. Here’s an example of a man smudging himself – you can simply perform this on the men as they arrive. They can take a few deep breaths while I wave the sage around them, symbolically clearing away whatever they might be carrying so they can be fully present. This is as good way to bring them from the ordinary world into the more hallowed realm of mens work.

Opening the Circle

Welcome & Logistics

Once everyone’s seated, I’ll welcome the group. I’ll point out where the bathroom is, where extra blankets can be found, and mention any payment or donation items that are relevant. I also tell them know about the WhatsApp group where we can all stay connected.

Grounding Meditation

I’ll guide the group through a short meditation—maybe 10 minutes—helping everyone arrive fully in their bodies and the present moment. I start the meditation by asking everyone 3 times to take a deep breath, then sigh it out. At the end of the meditation, I’ll invite everyone to slowly open their eyes and silently acknowledge each other.

Reading the Guidelines

My guidelines are referenced above. I explain that we’ll now read our guidelines and that after all the guidelines are read I will invite each man to raise his right hand and say “Aho.” “Aho” is a Native American term meaning “I agree” or “I’m complete”— similar to “Amen.” You can have the men say whatever word suits to denote they agree. I then model the reading of the rules by saying “1. Confidentiality…” then read the rule. I pass the laminated rules to my left and the next man reads number 2. I’ll pass them around, and each man can read one guideline aloud. This way, everyone’s voice enters the space early on. Once the final rule is read, the rules get passed back to me. I then say “men, if you agree to these rules say ‘Aho’” and then they say it. This creates an environment of safety and ensures we’re on the same page.

I will usually “double-click” or highlight the most important rules such as Confidentiality, “I” statements, and no-advice giving.

Confidentiality is important because men may reveal sensitive topics in this circle and it’s important for them to feel safe to do so.
“I” statements are important because (1) it helps men take ownership of their own experience, (2) avoid speaking on behalf of other men and (3) speaking directly and personally makes the speech far more compelling.
No advice-giving is important because to give advice presumes the man doesn’t already have the answer within him and deprives him of the gift of discovering the answer himself.

Next I’ll describe our hand signals we use.

Hand Signals and Communication Tips

If you can’t hear someone, just cup your hand behind your ear.
If you resonate with what someone’s saying, do “spirit fingers” or place your hand on your heart—these are silent ways to show you’re feeling it without interrupting.
If someone isn’t using “I-statements,” I’ll gently tap my chest as a reminder. If they still don’t catch on, I’ll politely say, “Hey brother, please speak using the ‘I’”
When you’re complete in your share, please say “Aho” and touch the ground.
When a man says “Aho”, we as the group collectively repeat “Aho” to acknowledge what he said.

Check-In Round

Now we’ll go around the circle, and each man has 1 minute to share:

His name.
How he’s feeling in his body right now.
The topic he’s brought to share, in one sentence, along with how important it is for him on a scale from 1 to 10.
End by saying “Aho” and touching the ground to show he’s done.
When the timer goes off, it’s not a hard cutoff, but try to finish your thought in a sentence or two.

This is the first time you’ll keep a timer. As the facilitator, I’ll write down everyone’s name and the score on a scale of 1-10. If a man forgets to say his name, remind him.

The Sharing Round

This is the heart of the circle. After the check-in, I explain the sharing round. As the facilitator, you will keep time during all shares. Here’s how the sharing round works.

We start with the man (for example “Joe”) who gave the highest score on the 1-10 scale above
Joe gets 4 minutes uninterrupted to speak, concluding with “Aho”
Once Joe’s time is up, we open it up for reflections.
During the reflections, any man may raise his hand and take up to 2 minutes to share what came up to in hearing other men’s shares.
Remember, no advice—just sharing what came up for you as you listened.
Depending on the size of the circle and timing, I allow 3-5 reflections.
After the reflections, we go back to Joe, who gets 2 minutes to say what he got out of hearing everyone else’s input.
When Joe’s done, I guide the group in breathing:
1. “Let’s all take deep breath in to honor Joe”
2. “Exhale to sigh it out”
3. Let’s take a deep breath in for [theme that came up during the share, for example “surrender”]
4. “Exhale to sigh it out”
Then move on to the man who had the next highest score written down.

Keeping Time

I try to keep it about 15 minutes total per person. If we have 8 men, that means we need to stay mindful of the clock to finish on time.

Usually, after the meditation and guidelines, we’ve got about 90 minutes left for sharing. That’s enough for roughly 5 or 6 men. It’s extremely important to end on time. If your circle lasts from 6:30 – 8:30p, you should have the sharing round complete by 8:20.

Since the sharing round can take 10-15 minutes per man, you should not start another share after ~8:05. It’s much better to end early than to go later.

Closing the Circle

Checkout Round

Once everyone who wanted to share has done so (or we’ve run out of time), we do a checkout round. The check-out round is similar to the check-in round. As the facilitator you should be keeping time (1 minute each) for this round. Each man says

His name
Shares one key insight, feeling, or piece of wisdom he’s taking with him tonight. If time is tight, it can just be one word. And he ends with “Aho.”

Final Closing Ritual

After the checkout, I’ll ask everyone to close their eyes. We take a final deep breath + sighing exhale together, and I invite them to sit in the stillness of this experience—what we’ve created in this room, how unique it is that we all came together like this. I thank them for showing up, for themselves and for each other.

Then I invite them stand up in silence, put our arms around each other’s shoulders, and do a chant of OM together. I guide us to all take a deep inhale, and then exhale to OM. It’s a simple, powerful way to close. Afterward, I invite the men to silently open their eyes, look around, and silently recognize and thank each other. I let everyone know we’re now closed, and they’re free to hang out, talk, or head home.

Follow-Up

After the circle, I’ll add everyone to a WhatsApp group where we can stay connected. That’s where I’ll share details about the next gathering, and anyone can post thoughts, challenges, resources, or other announcements.

Conclusion

Committing to a weekly men’s group has been my proudest and most impactful accomplishment in 2024. I can’t believe I didn’t start it sooner.

I want to make it easy for men to start their own local one. If you have any questions or feedback, I’m glad to receive. I’m @integratedalex on X and instagram.